The Bible has a lot to say about marriage. When to get married, when not to get married, why get married, the roles of each spouse, and how to treat each other. Based on this, marriage must be either important to God or problematic for people. I think it’s both.

Marriage is important to God because it is a picture of Jesus’ relationship with us, His church. The love and faithfulness, service and fellowship that He gives and wants in return is how He planned marriages to be – with one big difference: He is faithful even when we are not.

Marriage is problematic for people for two reasons. One is because we are generally self-centered. Whether we realize it or not, we live as if the world revolves around us. If we go into marriage with this mindset, we will eventually feel let down or betrayed.

The other reason is our expectations. We may serve people for a time – food banks, mission trips, volunteer opportunities – not expecting much in return. We may look to others – friends, family, nonprofits, government – to meet our needs knowing they may not always be able to. But we tend to expect more out of our spouses even though they have the same weaknesses as everyone else. Could that higher expectation be part of the reason?

In biblical marriages we are encouraged to treat each other as Jesus treats us – not as we treat each other. We are encouraged to look to Jesus to fill all our needs – not expect our spouse to carry that load. We are encouraged to forgive each other like Jesus forgives us – daily, without holding a grudge, and without keeping score. And we are encouraged to serve each other, to think of our spouse over our own desires – like Jesus did for us when He lived and died for us.

What would happen if we entered into a marriage with these goals in mind? How would our vows be shaped by these goals?

 That’s what I will explore in the final part, Part 5.

Scriptures

For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name Isaiah 54:5a  

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. Isaiah 54:5 

 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32

Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” Revelation 19:7-9

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 2 Corinthians 11:2

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Heb 13:4

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctity her, having cleansed her by the washing of water and the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25-27