The good news is that the divorce rate in the US is declining. However, the marriage rate is also declining. (See statistics at the end of this blog.) More people are waiting until late in life or never to get married. Many of these people are living with someone instead of marrying them. When these relationships break up, the number is not added to the divorce rate since they were never married. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t experiencing the same difficulties of a married couple. The number of couples (married and unmarried) seeking marriage counseling instead of jumping into divorce is increasing which is also lowering the divorce rate.

The bad news is that the divorce rate is still high. Some put it at almost 50%. And sadly, Christian marriages do not have better numbers. In fact, Christians are slightly more likely to divorce than nonChristians. (see statistics at the end of this blog.)

This is not what Jesus intended for us. He gave us through His Word the dos and don’ts of marriages and the power of the Holy Spirit to live it out. So why aren’t we? I think that our wedding vows may have something to do with it.

We often make unbiblical and unrealistic promises that form a vision of what life together will look like. It sets our expectations high – too high for most people to keep long term. Then we get hurt, disappointed, disillusioned. It’s even worse when we compare our marriage to those in movies, books, social media, and in the couples around us. We start thinking about our marriage and think, “This is not what it’s supposed to be.” My spouse is not as romantic as the one in the movie last night, doesn’t provide for all my desires like the one in the book I just finished reading, and doesn’t serve me breakfast in bed on our anniversary like my friend’s spouse does. This is not the life I signed up for.

What we often don’t look at is how we tend to treat our spouses the way they treat us, often misinterpreting their motives and actions. If asked, our spouse may make the same complaints about us and come to the same conclusion about our marriage as we did. Many couples at this point decide to call it quits. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

In Part 4 we’ll take a look at marriage from a Christian perspective.

Some statistics for those who are interested in such things:

Wilkinson and Finkbeiner  (https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/)

As of 2021, both marriage rates AND divorce rates in the US are decreasing – with the marriage rate dropping from 8.2 per 1,ooo people in 2000 to 6.1 and the divorce rate from 4.0 in 2000 to 2.7. The breakdown shows that almost 50 percent of all marriages in the US will end in divorce or separation. 41 percent of first marriages, 60 percent of second marriages, and 73 percent of third marriages will end in divorce. The US has the 6^th highest divorce rate in the world

Why are people divorcing? According to the Wilkinson and Finkbeiner, a recent national survey showed that lack of commitment is the most common reason.  Other reasons are:

• Lack of commitment 73%
• Argue too much 56%
• Infidelity 55%
• Married too young 46%
• Unrealistic expectations 45%
• Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
• Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
• Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%

(Respondents often cited more that one reason, therefore the percentages add up to much more than 100 percent)

Barna (https://www.barna.com/trends/marriage-divorce-trends-2025/)

Christians—even practicing Christians, who regularly attend church and say their faith is important to them—are as likely as other adults to say they have gone through divorce.

• 20% nonpracticing Christians
• 16% practicing Christians  
• 16% non-Christians

My Denver Therapy (https://mydenvertherapy.com/couples-therapy-statistics/)

• Almost 50% of married couples have gone to counseling at some point in their relationship. 
• The median couple starts couples therapy about 4 years into the relationship. The highest percentage of couples in marriage counseling have been married between 3 and 5 years. Many say they wish they didn’t wait so long to start.
• About 75% of couples who go to counseling see an improvement in their relationship, and 90% see an improvement in their physical or mental health. One study had 99% of couples currently in therapy say that it had a positive impact on their relationship. 

Scriptures

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Proverbs 19:20