Tag: God’s love

“God is good.” Do I believe that?

On By LindaIn Journal Entry, My ThoughtsLeave a comment
Photo by Daniel Dang on Pexels.com

“God is good.”

Anyone else struggle with that concept? I have sung those words, spoken those words to others, and doodled them in my journal. But do I really deep down to my core believe them?  That question came to a head recently. It was time to examine what I truly believed. The following is an excerpt from my journal in which I held an internal conversation with Jesus. Whether it was really Him or not doesn’t matter. What matters is the understanding I gained from this thought process.

“God is good.” Do I believe that?

Finally.

Lord, I don’t know. It seems you have let me down at times. Like you weren’t faithful or trustworthy to be there every time I needed you, which makes me feel you may not be there in the future when I need you.

Doubt, it’s an ugly thing. Rooted in misunderstanding, ignorance, lies.

So how do I change this? How do I believe the Bible when my heart tells me – reminds me – that you weren’t there all those years I cried out to you to heal me from the PMS, depression, and pain?

Lies.

When I was on my knees crying out to you with many tears begging for deliverance, where were you?

Right there by your side. You couldn’t perceive me because of your pain but I was there, holding you, catching your tears in my hand.

Why didn’t you heal me?

It wasn’t time yet. My heart ached right along with yours, but it wasn’t time. You weren’t ready.

Ready? Ready to be set free? Ho could I not be ready for relief?

You needed the pain to stay in touch with your emotions deep inside. Otherwise you would have buried them where they would fester.

Weren’t there already pains festering in there?

Remember –

    the ant bite,

   the pencil lead,

      the splinter that you didn’t get out?

Yes.

What happened?

My skin grew over them. The ant bite left a bump that never went away. The pencil lead left a discoloration that never went away. And the splinter became a painful bump under my skin that I had to dig out which was also painful. So I had pain, buried pain.

This new pain, month after month, year after year, had to tear open the old pain each time or you would have let it get buried, covered again. Covered with callousness. It wasn’t about the PMS hormones. It was the other pains you weren’t acknowledging, the pain that you couldn’t see that contributed to the pain you could see. If I had healed you, all that pain would have been as deep at that lead in your hand. So deep it would have required more than just digging it out like that splinter near the surface. You weren’t ready to face that original pain. So I had to keep that channel to it open. It hurt me to see you hurt.

Is anything here true or am I just inventing a reason for the pain? Lazarus dying was to show who Jesus was. Jesus cried with Mary and Martha but He still let Lazarus die. Was it painful for Lazarus – the dying process? It was for his sisters. Is that what happened? Lazarus endured pain and died. His sisters endured pain and cried. I endured pain, my family therefore endured pain. But they didn’t cry. They internalized it, got angry and resentful, tuned me out, blamed me – as if it were my fault. That would be like the sisters blaming their brother for dying. Or blaming a person for getting cancer. It wasn’t my fault. My behavior was, but my turmoil wasn’t. I was caught in a storm I didn’t know how to handle and because of that I hurt the ones I loved. I’m sorry for that. I’ve apologized to my family. I can do no more than that. I can’t live those years over again. I regret it but I can’t change it.

Rabbit trail. Back to feeling abandoned. Believing God treated me like everyone else did. That’s what this is about. My belief about God was based on what my family was like. It was not based on truth. If he had healed me of PMS, the lie would still be there. I would not be the person I am now. But my family was hurt. It wasn’t fair to them.

Hurt people hurt people. It’s a fallen world.

So what do I do now? How do I trust someone who does things I don’t understand? My prayers may or may not be answered based on your agenda. How did the first Christians believe in your goodness while they were fed to lions? So the question remains. Is God good? The Bible says He is. The times I’ve had experiences with him – when I experienced his presence – when I’ve touched him – I knew he was good. My spirit knows he is good. It’s my flesh that’s rebelling, disagreeing – because I didn’t get my way. Is that it in a nutshell? I didn’t get my way? I didn’t respect your sovereignty? “I love Jacob, Esau I hated.” “I will have mercy on whoever I want.” That doesn’t sound “good”. Maybe it’s my definition of good that’s at fault.

What is your definition of good? When the Bible says God is good, what does that mean to you? Leave me a comment or send a message. I want to know your thoughts.

Stay tuned for my conclusion, after I’ve had more thought and prayer time.

Scriptures

Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”

Psalm 56:8 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

Romans 9:13-15 As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6a time to search and a time to count as lost, a time to keep and a time to discard,

7a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

John 11:33-36 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you put him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they answered. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

Isaiah 49:14-16 But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, my LORD has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands, your walls are continually before me.

Life is Like Enlarging a Fish Pond, Part 17 The Net

On By LindaIn allegories, analogies, and parables, UncategorizedLeave a comment

My heart dropped at the sight of the dead fish laying on the rocks outside the pond. How did it get there? There was no way it could jump high enough to clear the sides of the pond. It must have been carried there. What could do that to a fish? I had never seen a possum or raccoon in my yard in the three years I’ve lived here so I doubt it was one  of them. A toad might try to eat one but wouldn’t be able to jump up out of the pond with one in its mouth. Even if it did, it wouldn’t just leave it once it started eating it. It had to be a bird. One of the many that live around the area, many of which eat fish.

I imagined a bird swooping down, grabbing a fish, and then accidently dropping it as it flew away. No way was that going to happen again, not if I can help it. I don’t care that other people say it’s just the circle of life and that if I want a pond with fish, I should let nature take its course. My heart is for my fish. They didn’t ask to be easy prey contained in my small pond. I’m the one who set them there. And I’m going to protect them.

I grieved for the lifeless fish in my hand. It had survived two winters under snow and ice, two hot summers when the water temperature rose to bath water temp, the recent traumatizing chase and capture in a net, and a temporary stay in a plastic tub. And now it was dead. Captured by the enemy. Dropped and forgotten. I buried it in my raised garden bed. At least it’s death is not wasted. And then I covered my pond with a large net. It may not look as pretty, but it’s much safer for my fish.

God chose the Israelites to be His. With the call of Abraham, He set them in place. His heart was for His people and He protected them.  There were other nations, but this is the one He focused on.

The Bible talks about people being protected under the shadow of God’s wings. Birds have wings. Angels have wings. Somehow I don’t think God actually has wings, although I could be wrong. I think God was using the same imagery Jesus used when He cried over Jerusalem.  “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! Matthew 23:37

No one likes to be confined. We all long for freedom, which is what God created in us when He created Adam. The Bible doesn’t explicitly say that but it seems if Adam and Eve were told to go forth and dominate the world, that that was a lot of freedom. But sin entered the world and through disobedience Adam and Eve lost that freedom. There was an enemy now that wanted them and their offspring dead. And so God set His wings over the Israelites just like I set a net over my fish pond. As long as the Israelites stayed where He set them by loving and obeying Him, they were safe. But if they strayed out from under it through disobedience, they were easy prey for those who sought to harm them.

The net is not pretty. It was not what I wanted for my pond. But it is necessary at this time.

God’s laws may feel confining. They may not be what He wanted for mankind. But they are necessary at this time.

Instead of complaining about His commandments, maybe we should thank Him for setting His heart on us and protecting us from things we can’t see.

Scriptures:

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

 “See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil.  If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rule, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.  But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess.  I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.” Deuteronomy 30:15-20

How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light do we see light. Psalm 36:7-9

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” Genesis 1:26

Behold, to the LORD your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the LORD set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn. Deuteronomy 10:14-16

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundations of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him, in love. Ephesians 1:3-4

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. Psalm 91:14

A Prayer for SIL, Day 69

On By LindaIn prayersLeave a comment

Lord, she confuses me. But I know she doesn’t confuse you. Speak to her. Show her what You see when You look at her. Show her Your love and the places she holds back from You. Renew her spirit with a fresh outpouring of Your Spirit into her heart and mind.

Again Joel 2:38 comes to mind – I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh…

She is flesh and lives in the flesh – and so greatly needs Your Spirit with all His healing, instruction, and comfort. May SIL respond to Your call the way the disciples did – giving up their old lives for new lives with You. And may she fall in love with You again – may she return to her first love.

In Your Wise Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 30

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Jesus, King of hope, I pray that You fill SIL with the hope she needs to see what she needs to see. I pray that as she opens her eyes, she is not filled with despair but with Your love, grace, and mercy.

And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. 1 John 3:3

Jesus, as SIL puts her hope in You, may she purify herself as You are pure.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Jesus, may You Yourself, and God our Father, who loves SIL and gave her eternal comfort and good hope though grace, comfort her heart and establish it in every good work and word.

In Your Comforting Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 29

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Dear Lord, just as You hold Your people in Your heart, hold SIL. Let the love You have for her overflow in her heart and mind.

Therefore thus says the LORD God: Now I will restore the fortunes of Jacob and have mercy on the whole house of Israel, and I will be jealous for my holy name. They shall forget their shame and all the treachery they have practiced against me, when they dwell securely in their land with none to make them afraid, when I have brought them back from the people and gathered them from their enemies’ lands, and through them have vindicated my holiness in the sight of many nations. Ezekiel 39:25-27

Father God, I pray that You restore the riches of Your love in SIL and have mercy on her whole being, and that You will be jealous for her, not for anything she has done but for Your Name’s sake. I pray that SIL forgets her shame and all the sins she has committed against You, just as You did when she repented of them. May she dwell securely in the land You give her as You bring her back from the enemy’s grasp. Vindicate Your holiness in the sight of all who know her and see Your light reflected in her.

In Your Merciful Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 28

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Lord Jesus, Master Healer and Friend, be both to SIL. Fill her with Your presence. Restore to her the joy of her salvation. Feed her Your Word and open her eyes, ears, and heart to receive it. Surround her with Your angels to keep the enemy away. And grant her peace as You still her fears of the future.

My son, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste.
Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:13-14

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103

Lord, I pray that SIL eats Your Word, finds wisdom, and rests in Your promise of a future. Let her find Your sweet Word addictive and begin to crave it above all else.

In Your Sweet Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 27

On By LindaIn prayersLeave a comment

Dear Lord, I know SIL is awake when she should be sleeping. Whatever she’s battling that is keeping her in turmoil, I pray You are right there with her. Let her feel Your presence and to take hope in Your love. Speak words of knowledge and discernment to her so she can see what she had been running from. Heal her from the damage life has done to her, and free her from the lies she believes.

And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

May she know the truth and be set free.

In the Name of the God of Hope,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL Day 8

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Lord, heal SIL. Free her from past hurts, issues, and behavior that have caused her to be locked into where she is. Remove the chains that bind her so that she can grow up and not be shaken in every storm. Enable and call her to mature in You. Give her peace and assurance that You love her. Remove her guilt and shame that is interfering with her spiritual health, as well as her physical and mental stability, and fill those spaces with Your Spirit.

Oh, restore me to health and make me live! Isaiah 38:16b

Jesus, I ask that you restore her to health and make her live. Give her hope and enthusiasm for the life You’ve given her. Walk with her each day, whispering assurances and comfort as You lead her to take steps she has never taken before.

In Your Comforting Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 6

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Jesus, Master Healer, Binder of the Brokenhearted, I pray you reveal Yourself to SIL. Your word says You heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

I pray you do so now for SIL. I pray that You heal her heart and free her from her past. Unbind her need to think only happy thoughts. Remove her fear of negative emotions. Free her to be who You created her to be. Make her into the woman You call her to be. Manifest Your love within her. Remove the guilt she lives with. Strengthen her to stop doing the things that add to that guilt. Open her eyes to see herself as you see her so she can find strength in your arms as she lets go of all she needs to.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Luke 4:18-19

Proclaim good news to SIL. Proclaim liberty to her for she is being held captive by things unseen. Restore her sight and set her free from the things that are oppressing her. Let this be the year of Your favor on her.

In Your Liberating Name,

Amen.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 4

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Jesus, I lift SIL up to You. Open her eyes and ears to see and hear You. Speak to her, Lord, of your love and mercy as You reveal her heart to her and call her to repent. I ask that you work in her to mature her, that You heal whatever is in her, whatever pain or scars or walls that keep her a perpetual child. Heal her mind, Lord, so she can live out her life fully and with satisfaction. Lord, strengthen her to look at her deep, hidden feelings and not run from them.

But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:1

Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature. 1 Corinthians 14:20

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Peter 2:2

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. 1 Corinthians 3:7

Lord, please grow SIL until You can address her as a spiritual woman and not as a woman of the flesh. I pray that she will want to be a child only in evil but mature in her thinking. I pray that she will crave pure spiritual milk so intensely that all distraction fall away as she fills herself with Your Word. Lord, Jesus, only You can make things grow. I pray that SIL will allow You to do so with her.

In Your Healing Name,

Amen.