Holy Poison

Something’ was wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but could sense something happening in me. My ten-year-old body was becoming increasingly hot, like I was burning from the inside out. Which didn’t make sense because I wasn’t in the sun. The approaching evening, although not cold, was not hot either. And besides, I was in my bedroom. And yet, I could feel the internal fire growing by the minute. This was not good.

My thoughts flew from the fire in me to the sudden sounds of wild commotion coming from the kitchen. One of my siblings was crying. Maybe more than one. My mom was talking in a higher than normal pitch, And the sound of many small feet running across the wooden floor was accompanied by shrieks and shouts.

It didn’t take long to find out why. We had all been poisoned. All six of us kids as well as my mom. Everyone seemed to be reacting to the poison in slightly different ways. Whereas a few of us felt the fiery poison on the inside, some had no internal discomfort. However, their faces were turning increasingly red, and, as funny as it seemed to us at the time, the only indication of the poison flowing through one of my brothers was his two bright red ears.

My dad, who had just gotten home from work, drove us to the emergency room, where 0526201852 (2)we were all given a small cup of something to drink. “To make you throw up,” the nurse told us. “That will get rid of the poison.” Everyone swallowed their cup of something. Everyone except me. I didn’t want to throw up. I didn’t like throwing up. And I didn’t like unknown liquids. So I held my cup, and wished I was anywhere but there.

As my mom and siblings took turns throwing up, I heard my parents discussing how it must have been the frozen homemade applesauce we had eaten at dinner. They were talking about something bad being in that applesauce. Maybe too much preservative. I don’t know. But whatever it was, we didn’t taste it or see it. And yet, it was definitely hurting us.

Finally everyone had purged. Except me. I still clung to that cup of strange liquid in spite of all the encouraging, shaming, bribing, and threatening my parents did. I could handle all that without caving in. What I couldn’t handle was the threat from the nurse: “If you don’t throw up by the time I get back, I’m going to have to give you a shot.” I dreaded needles more than strange liquid, so I downed the cup, and soon became one of the purged.

The next day, I looked suspiciously at the containers of tainted applesauce as my mom pulled them from the freezer. They didn’t look any more evil now than they had looked or tasted the night before.

“Mom, how do you know they’re poisoned? They look just like the good applesauce we’ve eaten before.”

“I know they’re poisoned because I reread the directions on the box of preservatives.  I got the directions wrong.”

“Can’t we eat them anyway,” my brother asked. “They taste too good to get rid of. We can just go throw up again later.”

I understood what my brother felt. It did seem like such a waste of something delicious. But then I remembered the consequence of allowing the bad as well as the good into my mouth. So I nodded agreement with my mom as she told him, “Nope, not worth it, Better to make a new batch, and this time pay better attention to the instructions.”

 

–   –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –

 

True story. I might have gotten the timing slightly off, but my mother did accidentally poison us with too much of a preservative in some applesauce she had made. She didn’t mean to, and she felt really bad about if for a long time. But it happened.

As does spiritual poisoning. Sometimes good sounding teachings actually contains poison that will hurt our spirits. Not all, but many of these teachers, preachers, ministers, priests, friends, whatever don’t mean to hurt us. They often don’t even know the poison is there. But if they use the Word incorrectly, such as taking scriptures out of context, they can contaminate their message with what I call holy poison. It looks, sounds, and tastes just as spiritual as the rest of that biblical teaching, except it’s not. We may not recognize it right away, but eventually all who ingest it will pay the consequences.

We can learn to discern holy poison by knowing what the Bible says.  In a way, it’s like when I was learning to hunt shark teeth. At first I was frequently tricked by broken shells that looked like teeth, but the more teeth I found and studied, the easier and faster it became to discern between shells and teeth. The same hold true for God’s Word. The better we know the Bible, the easier to spot something that is contrary to it.

We also need to pay attention to the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.  Jesus said His Spirit would guide us into all truth. So, if we are listening, He will alert us when we come in contact with something poisonous to our spirits.

But what about the poison we may have already ingested?  What about erroneous doctrines and ideas we accepted years ago that may be having an effect on our spiritual life now? It’s not too late. If we are sincere in our desire to be cleaned from the poison, and we ask God to show anything unclean in us, He will answer that request. If He reveals something, we can either allow the poison to continue to contaminate our beliefs, or we can accept His cup of antidote and purge it. Purging may not be pretty or dignified, and it will probably cause some discomfort, but – at least to me – it is better than something more drastic. Like a needle. God is a big God. I can only imagine how big His needle is.

 

 

Behind the Story

I wrote Holy Poison with the hope that it may help us, me included, to be more discerning of what we allow into our belief systems, and to ask God to reveal anything we hold on to that we shouldn’t. Years ago He had me examine what I believed, and I ended up I purging some big lies that I had grown up with, such as the belief that only Catholics were going to heaven. Recently He has started working to cleanse me from some subtler wrong beliefs that I’ve held in my heart for years. They sound and feel just as biblical as the rest of my beliefs – many even have scriptures to base them on – and yet they are not true. It turns out that those scriptures had been taken out of context. Facing those errors, and letting go of them, has not been easy or comfortable. But my greatest desire is to be completely pleasing to God, so I will continue to drink the cup and purge until I am clean.

What about you? Has God had you examine your own beliefs? If so, how? If not, how do you feel about the need to know what we believe and why we believe it? If you feel comfortable enough, please comment below. I would love to read your story!

 

 

Scriptures

Ps 51:6-7 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Ps 26:2 Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind.

John: 14:16-17    And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you..

John 16:13  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak of his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

1 Timothy 4:1a Now the Spirit expressly says that in the later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared…

1 John 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

1 John 4:6-7 We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

Hebrews 5:13-14 for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the world of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Philippians 1:9-10  And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ

Let the Comforter Comfort

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She sighed with satisfaction as she put down her scissors. Finished! It had taken awhile but the hand quilted comforter was finally finished. And just in time for her friend’s birthday. She imagined how cozy her friend would feel cuddled up in the large softly padded blanket. She didn’t usually make such an elaborate gift for birthdays, but this friend was special, as was this birthday.

She lovingly folded the comforter and tied it with a pretty red ribbon, then placed it carefully in a large gift bag. She couldn’t wait to see her friend’s face when she gave it to her in a few days.

She spent the next few days packing for her move out of state. Each time she passed the bag, sitting on the small table near the front door, new images formed in her mind…

…her friend, sitting on the couch, reading a good book and wrapped in the warmth of the comforter.

…her friend, sleeping peacefully on her bed under the cozy weight of the comforter.

…her friend, sitting in her bathtub seeking safety from a storm and surrounded by the softness of the comforter.

When the day came, she handed the bag to her friend with a huge smile, eager to watch her friend’s surprise and delight.

She wasn’t disappointed.

“Oh, wow! This is amazing!” her friend said, holding it up and admiring it. “I can’t believe you made this for me. It must have taken you forever!”

“It did take a while,” she answered. “But it’s well worth it. I wanted to give you something to treasure to remind you how much I treasure you and our friendship.”

“Aww… thank you. I feel the same way and I will treasure this comforter my whole life.”

Six months later, settled in her new home, she began missing her friend and decided to make a visit. Upon entering her friend’s house, she saw the comforter she had made. It wasn’t on the couch where it could be easily grabbed and used. It wasn’t on the bed waiting to provide warmth in the cool evenings. It was displayed on the wall!

“I love the comforter so much that I didn’t want it to get dirty or damaged so I put it on the wall. It looks great up there, doesn’t it!” her friend told her.

Hiding her disappointment, she smiled and agreed – it did look good up there. But it wasn’t made to be displayed on a wall. It was made to be used! To part of her friend’s everyday life. What good was it up there? How could it provide warmth and comfort from up there? But she knew it wasn’t her right to force her friend to use it the way she had purposed it. It belonged to her friend now and it was her friend’s right to choose what to  do with it.

On the way home, she sought the comfort of her Friend… and made a startling connection.

“Lord,” she prayed. “Thank you for Your gift of the Holy Spirit to be my comforter. Help me to allow Him to be part of my everyday life, to seek Him to comfort me when I’m scared and to warm me when I’m cold. May I never keep Him at a distance, knowing He’s there but not allowing Him to serve the purpose for which You gave Him to me.”

And she drove the rest of the way home wrapped in the cozy embrace of her Comforter.

Sometimes Muddy Water is a Good Thing

 

Emotions churned inside her as she bowed before the Lord in prayer.

“Jesus, I don’t know what’s happening inside me. It’s such a mess. And I don’t even know why. Everything seems to be going well right now – job, family, health. So why all this turmoil?”

“Just a little cleaning up.”

She frowned, not understanding. How can cleaning up make her feel bad? She thought about it for a while. What exactly WAS she feeling? So many emotions all mixed up inside her. Pain and confusion from her teen years that still plagued her. Doubts that she was actually hearing from God and that it wasn’t just her imagination, and fear that she would lead others wrong as she began speaking out for Him.  Depression that seemed to cling to her no matter how hard she tried to fight it.  Very low self-esteem, more like no self-esteem.  The list seemed endless. She struggled to put a name to it.

“Muddy water.”

Muddy water?

She thought of her small garden pond. She enjoyed going outside to sit by it each day and watch the fish swim around. The pond looked beautiful – clear shiny water with green flowering plants growing in and around it. From time to time she would add a little water to compensate for the water that had evaporated.

She remembered a time she had not gone outside to the pond for several weeks. When she had finally made it there, she had been dismayed to find the water level to be as low IMG_20180510_000206722as it was. So she had taken the hose and watched as the water refilled the pond. Almost immediately the clear water had gotten cloudy as the running water churned up the dirt that had settled at the bottom.  Within minutes she could see leaves and pine straw swirling around in the very muddy water. Yuck. She decided to keep the water flowing and as the water flowed over the top, it had taken the mud, leaves and pine straw with it until all that had remained was clear clean water. Her pond was beautiful again, only this time it wasn’t hiding a bunch of dirt and debris at the bottom.

She made the connection. She might look good on the outside, but deep inside her heart,  a lot of dirt and debris had settled over time. Jesus had turned on the hose in her heart, filling her to overflowing with living water!

Amazed at the way He helped her understand, she thanked Him for the work He was doing. It might not look so good at the moment, she thought, but when He gets done, my heart will be clean and clear and truly beautiful!

Slime Monster

Where did this feeling come from, she wondered. This warm, want-to-hug-people feeling?

She had never wanted to hug anyone before. As a child, she had been forced to hug every relative hello, regardless of who they were and how she felt. That was not OK with her. In fact, she hated it. But she did it dutifully. She learned to see hugging people as a chore and to bury any feelings involved in it.

But now…she WANTED to hug people.

People in her family.

People in her church.

People at her prayer meeting.

People who befriended her.

People she knew.

People she didn’t know.

Even her pesky little sisters.

Where had this huggy part of her come from?

Then one day she read Romans 5:5. “…for we know how dearly God loves us and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.”

Ahh! So that’s where it comes from, she thought! I’m so full of God’s amazing love that it oozes out of me every time I get near someone. I’m like some kind of slime monster!

And that was just fine with her.

 

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A Rose of Affirmation

She was feeling down. Again. Seems she was always feeling down these days.

Her first year walking with Jesus had been amazing. Full of surprises  and discoveries. This second year so far has not been like that. She seemed to be frequently plagued with self-doubts and confusion.

This latest doubt centered on the baptism experience everyone seemed to be talking about. The Holy Spirit baptism. One of incredible joy and power. Or so she had been told. She had yet to experience that for herself. She knew the drill. Ask for the baptism. Get someone to lay hands on her and pray along with her. Yield to the Holy Spirit. Then He comes in with all His glory. Or at least as much of it as humans can take.

She had done all that. Several times. She never felt any of the joy people spoke of. In fact, she never felt anything, and she didn’t feel any different now than before all those prayers. So, what was the problem? Certainly it couldn’t be with the Holy Spirit. It had to be with her. She must be defective somehow. So how could she be an effective witness for God if she was not even capable of receiving this baptism? And how could she pray or worship God if she was this defective? How could He even be even a little pleased with her when she was so broken?

She was desperate to talk to someone about this. To open up and share her doubts and feelings. But she was alone. She asked the Lord to bring someone into her life who she could discuss this with her, help her make sense of it all, but no one came.

So on this night, she went to bed with her thoughts and doubts and feelings swirling around in her head.  As she thought about everything that had happened to her since her encounter with Jesus the year before, she fell asleep. When she awoke, she was surprised to find a pleasant feeling of relief had replaced the confused desperation of the night before. It was as if she had talked out her doubts and fears with someone while she slept.

“You did. With Me.” But she didn’t hear the quiet whisper as she prepared for the day.

A little while later, her eyes grew wide as she saw the rose one of her students was carrying. The rose was the biggest and prettiest she had ever seen. And it had just been handed to her! She was speechless!

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In the past, in that first year of exciting experiences, many times  after she had struggled between God and her doubts and had chosen to believe God, she would receive a gift from someone the next day. She had come to see those gifts as a pat on the back from God for making the right decision.

So she knew this amazing rose came from her amazing God! The student may have handed it to her, but she knew it was really God Himself handing her the rose. And in her spirit, she could hear Him say, “How can you say I am not pleased with you? You are my daughter! I am well pleased with you. You are OK just the way you are!”

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Mark 13:11  What Should I Say?

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I am with you.”

She remembered what Jesus had told His followers in Mark 13:11: “Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.”

But did that assurance apply to her in this circumstance? She was not the one on trial. And this certainly had nothing to do with her faith. She was here because of a custody battle over one of her students.

She didn’t know much about the family. The only time she saw them was when one or the other dropped off their son. They were both friendly in different ways and the child was a delight. She had no idea there were problems until one day when the mom had come in her classroom with a large bruise on her face. Tears streaming down her face, the mom had accused her husband of beating her and said she was going to divorce him. The mom had been concerned how it would affect her son and asked to be alerted to any changes in his behavior.

A week later she was served with a subpoena. And here she sat, waiting to be called before the judge to… say what? She didn’t know anything!

She had no idea what to expect and was terrified that she would be asked who she thought would make the better parent. How could she choose? Because she had seen the bruise on the mom’s face, she was siding more with the mom, and it had been the mom’s lawyer who had subpoenaed her  – but what if the story she had been told was not the whole truth? What if the mom was crazy and blaming her husband for something he didn’t do? After all, she hadn’t been there. And she had heard enough stories over the years to know things are not always what they seem. She was scared she would say the wrong thing and the cause the boy to go to the wrong parent.

“God, help me,” she pleaded over and over again. “Don ‘t let them ask me that question.”

“Don’t worry,” the mom’s lawyer had said. “The judge never allows that question. He knows teachers only have limited information.”

“God, help me,” she pleaded again, too nervous to feel His presence, or even to trust that He heard her.

“I am here. You will be fine.”

Finally it was her turn. Facing the judge, the mom, the dad, and two lawyers was nerve racking just in itself. But then the lawyers started firing their questions until her mind was swimming. She got confused more than once and had to ask the dad’s lawyer to slow down. When she didn’t think she could handle any more questions, the dad’s lawyer asked her one more. “Who do you think would make the better parent?” She stared at him, then at the judge. Before she could say anything, the mom’s lawyer objected. He told the judge she wasn’t qualified to answer that because of her limited contact with the family.

The judge turned to look at her and said, “In my experience, teachers are pretty good at making intuitive judgments about their students’ families. I’ll allow the question.”

There it was. THE question. What could she say? She took a deep breath, then told the judge her impressions as the parents had taken turns dropping off their son in the mornings. “I don’t know who would make the better parent,” she said. “But because the mom always talked about her son, and the dad always talked about himself, I would have to choose the mom.”

All the way home, she kicked herself, remembering what she could of the interview, and realizing she could have done a better job. If only that lawyer hadn’t kept confusing her!

The next morning, when the mom arrived with her son, she hung her head and apologized to the mom. “I’m so sorry if I messed anything up.”

The mom shook her head. “No, you don’t understand. Your answers were perfect!” She handed a pencil to her. “Thank you so much!”

Atop the blue pencil was a large rubber eraser, shaped like a sun, with the words “God’s Love Shines On You.’

 

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And she knew that God has sent that pencil to her. It was like getting a hug from Him, assurance that she had done a good job regardless of her fears. Not that she believed for a minute that her answers were all that wise in and of themselves – but the Holy Spirit had guided her in what to say, and God had used it for His purpose, standing behind her and filling her words with His power and light. And that’s what everyone else had heard. Just like He had promised in Mark 13:11.

What an amazing, faithful God!