“I can’t do it.”
“Do you want this?”
“Yes, I do.”
She stared at the phone hanging on the wall. Call a number she had never dialed, to talk to someone she had never met? She shook her head.
What if they can’t understand me? Her mind drifted back to her childhood, to a time when she had been ridiculed after trying to talk to a neighbor on the phone. She had had trouble finding the right words to say and the neighbor had not been able to understand what she did say. Her mother had to complete the call and she felt ridiculed by her family. After a few more experiences like that, she had pretty much avoided using the phone as much as possible. And now, years later, that insecurity had grown such deep roots in her heart that it had become a controlling force in her life. True, she managed to do OK talking to friends and family. But a complete stranger? That obstacle was almost too big for her to overcome.
I can’t. She walked away from the phone. She felt flawed and worthless. Why was something so easy for everyone else to do so hard for her? Why can’t she get past this?
She tried to straighten up the living room, but her thoughts kept turning back to the phone call. What if she never made it? Would God provide a different group for her to join, one that was easier to contact? Probably not. He had led her to this group. She would just have to trust Him.
She headed back to the phone. She looked at it for a long time, then took a deep breath and reached out for the receiver, but froze as her hand touched it. Sweat poured out every pore in her body.
“I can’t do it.”
“Yes you can.”
“What if my mind blanks and I can’t think of what to say? I should wait until I write down it down first.”
“It’ll be OK.”
“What if they can’t understand me?”
“They’re probably not home. I’ll call later.”
For the next several days, she repeatedly tried to summon the courage to call, but always chickened out with an excuse to procrastinate. What if they’re busy cleaning? What if they’re watching a TV show? What if they are in the bathroom? What if they just got their baby down for a nap and the phone wakes him up? What if they’re talking to someone else? What if they just got home from shopping and are busy putting the groceries away? What if they’re taking a bath? What if they went to bed early? And she repeatedly ended with “I don’t want to bother them. I’ll call later.”
Maybe she really didn’t need to do this. Maybe just going to her local church would be enough. But she knew it wouldn’t . Her hunger to praise and worship God with others of like mind was too strong.
I’ve got to do this. God gave me this information. He’ll help me know what to say. “Right, God?”
She headed to the phone, and this time she managed to get the receiver in her hand. She started to dial but her trembling fingers hit the wrong number and she quickly hung up. After several long breaths, she picked up the receiver again, this time dialing slower, making sure to hit the right numbers. And waited for someone to pick up.
“God, You still there? You’re still going to help me?”
“Yes. Trust Me.”
“I am. That’s why I’m doing this. But what if…”
Panic seized her. What should she say?
“I, um, was, um. I found a directory with your number, um, I’m calling about the Earthen Vessels, um”
“Oh yes! We meet Sunday nights at 7. Do you want to come? We’d love to have you!”
“Yes. Um, thanks. Um…”
“You probably need directions.” The lady proceeded to give her directions to the hall.
“I’ll be looking for you Sunday night! I’m so glad you’re coming!”
“Me too. See you Sunday.”
She set the receiver back in its cradle. And all but collapsed on the floor as the adrenaline drained out of her. She had done it! She had made the call. And it hadn’t killed her.
Her spirit lifted and she began to rejoice in her victory. The victory that wouldn’t have been possible without God.
“Thank You, God! I couldn’t have done this without You! She understood me even though I had trouble with my words!”
That’s over, she thought. Now comes the hardest part – meeting a group of people she knew nothing about. She decided to think about that later. Right now she wanted to relish in her accomplishment and praise the amazing God who cared enough about her to help her climb that mountain! It may seem tiny in some eyes, but to her, it was huge!
to be continued one more time