Tag: fear

A Bus Full of Angels

On By LindaIn short stories2 Comments

“Is that what I think it is?” she asked the girls next to her, pointing up at the sky. “Is that a … foot?”

They looked up and smiled.

“No, not really. It’s a hand.” they said together.

She looked again. Sure enough, now it looked like a hand. “That’s weird,” she said shaking her head. “I could have sworn it was a foot. Jesus’s foot.”

“No, not at all,” they answered together again.  They waved at the hand which waved back.

She tentatively waved also and watched the hand wave back at her as it descended through the sky.

Lower and lower it came until it reached the ground.

She decided better safe than sorry and ducked inside a nearby doorway. She waited a moment, then peeked around the door frame. She saw two angels and Jesus, all smiling as if proud of something. Or maybe very pleased about something.

Jesus?  Jesus! Feelings of love and want rose up in her. Jesus was there! But how could that be?

A girl pushed past her and ran outside, giving a big hug to the nearest angel.

She wanted to go outside also, but was afraid that all of this was in her head. She thought if she went outside, they would all just disappear like a puff of smoke. So she continued watching from behind the door frame.

The angels and Jesus just stood there, one angel with an arm around that girl. What were they waiting for?

Curiosity overcame her fear, and she emerged from the doorway. One of the angels got so excited seeing her that he gave Jesus a hug. It reminded her of when contestant winners who get so excited they hug anyone within arm distance.

As she slowly walked towards them, her attention was on Jesus. She noticed His medium brown hair and clear brown eyes. He looked young and beautiful. He watched her as she watched Him, and when she got within a few feet of Him, He pointed to something to her left. She turned and saw a huge bus.

Bus? She felt confused. First a hand descending from the sky, then Jesus and some angels standing in front of her, and now a bus? Did they want her to get on it or something? Why? Where would it take her?

Jesus motioned to her to follow Him. Sure enough, He led her to the bus.

OK, so He did want her on that bus. Well, she had trusted Him enough to approach Him. She was also going to trust Him now. And if He wanted her on the bus, she would get on the bus.

She climbed up the steps and sat down next to the girl that had run past her in the doorway.

“Hi, I’m Susan!” the girl said. “Isn’t this amazing? We’ve been invited to ride with Jesus! This is going to be so good!”

Well, amazing, yes. But good? She wasn’t so sure yet. IF this was real, and IF this was really Jesus, then yes, it had to be good. But what if it wasn’t? What if this was just a figment of her imagination and she was going insane? That wouldn’t be so good.

Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed Susan’s hand for security and waited for the bus to move.

Jesus climbed on and sat in the driver’s seat. The angels climbed on behind Him and sat in the only empty sea, which happened to be next to her. The rest of the seats held other angels. She was on a bus filled with angels! And Jesus was driving! She must be going crazy.

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“Everybody ready?” Jesus calls out. “We’re heading to the High Places.”

“What are the High Places?” she asked Susan. But Susan was not paying attention to her and didn’t respond.

Turning back to Jesus, she saw that He was looking into the rear view mirror towards the back of the bus. “I’m sorry,” He said to whoever He was talking to. “I must take these ladies to the High Places before I take you to your destination.” She turned to see who He was talking to. There were skeletons back there! She hadn’t noticed them when she got on the bus, but she sure did now.

Then Jesus looked at her and Susan. “This is going to be fun!”

“It already is!” Susan responded.

“Good,” he said with a smile. “But I have to warn you. Once there, you will be given a mission to accomplish that might not always be fun.”

She looked from Jesus to Susan and back to Jesus. A mission to accomplish? Not always fun? What did that mean? Did she really want to go there? Was it too late to change her mind?

He smiled reassuringly at her. “Yes, you want to be here. Because that is where I am. And what better place can you be than where I am?”

She had to agree with that. So she settled back in her seat and waited for the adventure to begin. As she waited, she got drowsy and began drifting into a pleasant sleep.

Suddenly a loud jarring noise startled her. She sat up and noticed two things. One, she was no longer on the bus. And two, her alarm clock was buzzing itself right off the side table. Had all that been a dream?

Disappointed, she got up. She wished she was still on that bus no matter where it was going because Jesus had been on it. Her heart hurt with longing to be in His presence again.

“You ARE in My presence, Little One.” She knew that voice. The still small voice.

“It’s not the same,” she told Jesus. “I can’t see You with my eyes. I can’t touch You with my hands.”

“You will one day,”

“What was that I experienced?” she asked. “Was it a spiritual experience or just a dream.” It had to be just a dream, right?  Jesus driving a bus full of angels and skeletons?

“It was neither,” He answered gently. “It was an allegory. A dream with meaning.”

“What did it mean?”

“Can’t you figure it out? Think about it.

So she did. And slowly it dawned on her. It was another way to look at her salvation. Perhaps a bit bizarre but a pretty accurate allegory all in all.

She saw Jesus from a distance and was afraid He wasn’t real. That was before she was saved.

She overcame her fear and approached Him. That would be her seeking salvation.

The angel celebrated when she met Jesus.  Don’t angels celebrate as sinners repent?

Jesus drove the bus He led her on. He was the driver – leader – in her real life, only not with a bus.

Her fear that it was all her imagination. Yes, after her salvation, there had been times she thought all of it was just an imaginary game she and others were playing.

The bus was full of angels. God has placed angels all around His people, which included her.

He was taking her to the High Places. That was most likely representative of when she would be made whole and strong and able to do the things He calls her to do, which would be the mission the dream spoke of. As in the dream, she had not reached the High Places yet so she wasn’t too sure.

And the skeletons? She had no idea. Maybe she would figure that out later. Or maybe, since they had a different destination, she wasn’t meant to figure it out. Maybe the whole point of them was to show there are things in the spirit world she knew nothing about and didn’t concern her.

“OK, Jesus,” she said. “I have to admit. That was a pretty amazing dream. There’s no end to Your creativity, is there?”

“Nope,” He said with a smile. “Ready to have some fun?”

“Ready,” she answered, also with a smile. “Start that motor and let the ride begin!”

Getting Closer

On By LindaIn short stories3 Comments

Previously:

You Want to Be a What?

Wrestling with God (continued from You Want to be a What?)

Caught in the Middle, a Continuation

Under Pressure

and now… Getting Closer

Something was definitely wrong, she thought. He’s acting really strange tonight. Even stranger than he had the last few weeks, after she had heard from God to give him time. And she had. But now he was acting cold and distant.

True, he had traveled the hour to visit the local prayer meeting she had started attending. And he had been his normal endearing self to the others who were there. But when it was time to leave, he had said goodbye to her abruptly and without much feeling.

Now she was getting ready for bed and wondering what went wrong. Did she hear from God wrong and this was all normal as he prepared to leave? Was their relationship over?

“God,” she cried. “I know I gave him to you. But You also said he wasn’t going to be a priest. I have no idea what’s going on. And it hurts. Take care of him whatever’s happening.”

Just then there was a knock on her door. She glanced at the clock. 10 PM. Who would be IMG_20180421_203931566coming to her house at this time of night? Scared to open the door, she tried to peek out the window. There weren’t many lights, but she managed to see the car parked in the driveway behind her car. Could it be? It looked like his car! What could he be doing here? It had been an hour since he left and she was already in her PJs. She couldn’t let him see her like this!

“Hello?” she heard him call. “It’s me. Let me in.”

Dreading what he might have come to tell her – sure he was breaking up with her – she let him in.

“Why are you here? I’m already dressed for bed,” she protested.

“You look beautiful to me any way you dress,” he answered with a smile.

They sat in the den and he told her that as he was on his way home, he had begun thinking about the evening and didn’t like how it ended. So he had decided to come back to talk with her about it.

 

So she took a deep breath and prepared herself to be let down, certain he would explain how their relationship had to end.

“I’ve been thinking about this a long time,” he said. “I don’t really know how to say it.”

Here it comes, she thought, looking down at her lap.

“I love you.”

What? She was definitely not expecting that. She looked up into his face.

He was smiling but there was fear? uncertainty? along with the smile.

“I love you,” he said again. “I know the seminary is something we need to deal with, but for right now I want you to know that I love you.”

Unable to speak, she just stared at him.

“I don’t really know how you feel about this. I was afraid to tell you.”

She smiled. But then the smile froze on her face as fear rose up inside her. Now that she was faced with the moment she had waited so long for, she didn’t know what to say. Did she love him? Did she really love him – or was she just imagining her feelings all these months, building them up into something they weren’t? She felt so broken inside, could she love him or anyone? Was she even capable of love?

“I don’t know if I can love you. I don’t know if I can love anyone.” she finally said.

Her response was not what he expected, but he accepted it, as he had accepted her from the beginning. They talked for hours about her fears and feelings, about his fears and feelings, and about their possible future together. Then they prayed. “God, we don’t know where this is going. But we thank you for the opportunity we had tonight to really share our hearts with each other. We place this relationship in Your hands. And we trust that You will continue to guide us. ”

And He did. For the next six months as seminary loomed closer (those struggles are a whole ‘nother story), for the following four years of their courtship, and for the next 33 years and counting of their marriage – His amazing love was with them every step of the way.

The end. Or the beginning depending on how you look at it. 🙂

Deep Inside a Flower

On By LindaIn short stories2 Comments

“There’s something very beautiful deep inside you,” her boyfriend told her.

“No, there isn’t,” she responded.

“Yes, there is. I can see God pouring His love all over you, watering you as if you were a flower. Only you can’t feel it.”

On the surface, she had come to know God’s love and presence, and to a degree could accept that, but deep down was a whole different story. She could feel the darkness that she believed was down there, and was afraid to find out that she was right.

“No,” she shook her head. “There’s nothing good in me.”

“I don’t believe that. I see you as a bud, closed up tightly around great beauty. And I see God slowly and gently opening your petals, one by one.”

Fear rose up in her. What if He really was doing that? What if He gets to the center of her IMG_20180416_204207978being and finds only darkness there? Maybe even evil. And demons.

“What if I’m afraid?”

“It’s OK. God knows that. And He will go only as fast as you are able. He won’t force you.”

“Maybe, but I can’t take the chance.” She really, really didn’t want to find out she had demons.  She had heard of plenty of people who had had demons cast out of them. She shuddered just thinking about it. What would that be like, having a demon cast out? Maybe like having a nasty worm in your stomach pulled out through your mouth. She had seen a video of that once. Or like having leprosy on the inside that would gross out anyone who saw it. She’d rather hide her darkness than subject others to it. Her petals would have to remain closed.

Later, they talked about it some more. She took in his words, hoping he was right, but knowing that he wasn’t.

The next night, they attended a prayer meeting together. She listened in amazement as the speaker for the night spoke about… she could hardly believe it… how God opens His people little by little, to reveal the beauty that is inside them.

No way, she thought. That has to be more than a coincidence. She got excited thinking that maybe… but no. That was true for other people but not for her. She knew there was nothing but darkness inside her. She could feel it.

The next night, she had an unexpected visit from a friend. This friend handed her a vase with a magnolia bud and a red rose in it. She thanked her friend and had a nice visit, but she didn’t think much about the flowers.

Until the next day.

The magnolia bud had opened during the night – and the flower was absolutely beautiful! Somehow she knew beyond a doubt that this flower was from the Lord. She could feel His love and presence and knew that He was doing something deep within her. As she yielded to Him, she began looking forward to finding out what that something was.

It would take years for her petals to fully open. But when they did, she found out she had been wrong all along. Instead of darkness, she found Light. Instead of evil and demons needing to be cast out, she found His great love for her. She realized  her fear had been lying to her all those years.

“There’s something very beautiful deep inside you,” her boyfriend, now husband, had told her those many years ago. Now she finally knew that it was true. There WAS something beautiful deep inside her. And that something was called Jesus.

You Are the Nightlight of the World

On By LindaIn short stories2 Comments

Feeling sad and discouraged, she read the words in Matthew 5: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  (v.14-15)

Really?

Where was that light when an old friend told her, “I don’t need Jesus. I don’t want Jesus.” She had been too confused to respond. How could anyone not want Jesus?

Where was that light when she visited her siblings? The discord she found there had worked its way inside her until she had gotten drawn into it. OK, maybe not as deeply as they were, but still. Where was her light?

Sadly, she read Matthew’s words again and thought, if Christians are the light of the world, I must be a nightlight. And I don’t seem to be doing a very good job at even that.

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That next couple of days, she kept getting the message to persevere. To take things one step at a time and not compare herself with others. She sighed. She’d rather be a bright light in the lives of those around her, but if the best she could be was a nightlight, then she’d persevere in being that nightlight. Yet, deep in her heart, she continued to struggle. How could Jesus be happy with her when her light was little more than that lamp under a bowl?

Years later, she received a letter from a friend.  In it, he described a vision he had had. He had seen a small girl, standing before Jesus, head down, ashamed because she feels she’s disappointed Him. He saw Jesus lift her head and tell her…

“I’ve told you time and time again – I love you just as you are. I didn’t create you to be a flame that bursts forth with brilliant light. You are my glowing ember and you will warm the hearts of many, many souls.”

Astonished, she knew this had to be from God. She had never told this friend about her struggle with not being a bright enough light. As peace replaced the struggle in her heart, she thanked God for this friend’s courage to share that message with her. And she thanked God for caring enough to let her know that being a low level light – a nightlight – was exactly what she was made to be, and it was OK.

“God, after all the times I ignored Your reassurances out of fear and doubt, You never gave up. Thank You for loving me enough to find a way to get Your message to me loud and clear. You’re amazing!”

Fear of Death

On By LindaIn short storiesLeave a comment

When she was younger, she read the words, “… that it would be His last night on earth before returning to His Father.” John 13:1

She thought, “That would be like saying this is my last night here in this town before returning to my old town. Death is just a journey from one place to another.

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Then why do many Christians fear leaving this earth, this life, these kinds of bodies? Why do I fear death? I know that when I die, I will be with Jesus in heaven. But every time so far that I thought it was time to go, I was afraid.  It must be because of little faith. I still don’t believe wholeheartedly that God loves me and He won’t condemn me. I know it in my head, but it hasn’t reached my heart yet. So I fear the moment I see Him face to face.”

Years later, touched by the death of several people in her life, she thought about it again. How would she feel when faced with it? Does she have enough faith now to chase away the fear? Nope, it’s still there. But it has changed. She doesn’t fear facing her God anymore. Over the years she had gotten to know Him better – and she now knew she wouldn’t be condemned. In fact, she knew she’d be accepted with open arms. So why the fear? Fear of the unknown. Fear of the method by which she’ll die.

OK, she thought. There’s still work to be done in my heart. She decided to start with the scripture that says perfect love casts out fear. That’s the key. If she could get to this perfect love, there would be no more fear. She knew she couldn’t do it on her own, so she prayed.

“Father in heaven, here’s my fear. I ask that Your perfect love cast it out of my heart. Help my love grow increasingly more perfect as I spend time with You and learn of Your amazing love. For I know in my head that no matter which road I must travel to my death, You will be there with me every step of the way. Work that knowledge down deep into my heart so I will have no fear, and so that when I eventually turn onto this road, I can glorify You all the way home.”

And she was at peace knowing He would do so.

Jesus Changes Things

On By LindaIn short storiesLeave a comment

She had always been nervous around people. From as far back as she could remember, her fear of people had kept her from enjoying family gatherings, public places, and even school. Sure, she could act like everything was OK. And sometimes she actually did find herself enjoying something that involved people. But even so, her nerves would cause her sweat glands to work overtime. Not just the simple underarm wetness that most people have to deal with. For her, it meant sweat dripping off her hands and running down her arms and sides. Enough sweat to actually form a puddle on the floor or on her chair. And she hated herself for it.

So she asked for prayer.

Her boyfriend prayed for her. Her friends prayed for her. Even the whole prayer group, including the inner healing team, prayed for her.

And things got worse.

She wondered, “Why? Could Satan have anything to do with this? Is it my will I’m fighting for against God’s will – does He want my total submission and this is bringing me to it? Is it premenstrual strain building up for the last couple of weeks? Am I not getting some kind of nutrient I need?”

She said, “God, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t want to be with people anymore. I just want to be alone. And I’m sorry for hiding out in the bathroom last night instead of joining the group in prayer. They were going to hold hands and I just couldn’t deal with the nerves and the sweat.  Nevertheless, I love You and I’m going to trust that you know what’s going on.”

Many times when she was feeling bad about herself, she would receive an unexpected gift – a rose, a picture drawn by a child, or a card in the mail – that she attributed to God. The time was no different. Actually, it was. She didn’t receive a gift – she received several gifts!  Some chicken from one friend, and some rolls and a desert from another friend. But best of all was a t-shirt that arrived weeks earlier than she expected. Across the front of the t-shirt were the words, “Jesus changes things.” Amazing coincidence? Absolutely not!

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“Thank You, Lord! I love it!” she responded as she clutched the shirt to her heart. He had heard her, and His reassurance that He would change her was exactly what she needed.

It would be years before she would see the evidence of the changes He was doing inside her. But while waiting, every time she started to give up, she’d see the message on the shirt and her faith would be renewed. Once again, God showed His amazing love for her by providing her with the perfect gift at just the right time.