Thinking back on all she had learned, she felt frustrated. And a little bit sad.
She knew God loved her.
She knew He was with her every moment.
She knew He was looking out for her and had a purpose for her life.
She knew He was faithful and trustworthy and powerful.
So why, with all this knowledge, was she unable to apply it to her day to day life? Why was she so ready to doubt? Why was just trusting Him so hard?
“Lord,” she prayed. “Tell me how to transform my head knowledge into heart knowledge. How do I trust You?”
“By doing what I say. By trying and falling and trying again.”
“That doesn’t sound fun.”
“It’s like learning to walk. You will learn slowly. And sometimes it’s painful. But you have to do it. It won’t happen automatically.”
“Why can’t it?”
“Because I didn’t design you that way. If growth came automatically, it wouldn’t mean much.”
“I guess that’s true. Some of the things I value the most are the things I worked hardest at. At it would be easy to take faith for granted if we never had to think about it.”
“Exactly. And every step you take towards deeper faith pleases your Father greatly.”
“Well, I do want to please Him in everything I do. I guess growing faith fits right in. OK. So how do I take these steps?”
“Put into practice what you read and…”
“All of it? Really? I’ve read so many conflicting ideas and suggestions and beliefs.”
“Listen for Me when you read. You’ll know then what to put into practice.”
“I think I do recognize You sometimes as I read. It’s like my heart does a flip or sometimes grows warm. Or sometimes the words jump off the page at me.”
“Yes, different ways, to keep you on your toes.”
“Is that it?”
“No, You must also put into practice all that I say to you. And yes, all!”
“Even the hard things? And the scary things?”
“You don’t need to fear. I won’t tell you to do anything that you’re not ready to do.”
“What if I make a mistake in hearing from You? What if I think You said to do something, but I heard wrong?”
“That will happen at times. Stay humble, come to me, and I’ll take care of you. I’ll either cover for you or I’ll show you how to fix it.”
“But if I’m going to be wrong sometimes, how can I trust enough to act on it?”
“Don’t doubt but believe. As you act, as you practice taking these steps, you will get better and your faith will grow stronger. ”
“And You will be with me?”
“Every step of the way. I will not let you down.”
She thought about what He said. Although she wasn’t thrilled about the falls she would make over time, she was always thrilled when He spoke to her. And this time was no exception. “Thank You, Lord, for speaking to me and for Your amazing promises! I will practice as You say. And I look forward to the day when my trust in You is no longer just in my head, but has truly taken up residence in my heart!”