“God is good.” Do I believe that?

On October 21, 2026 By LindaIn Journal Entry, My ThoughtsLeave a comment

Photo by Daniel Dang on Pexels.com

“God is good.”

Anyone else struggle with that concept? I have sung those words, spoken those words to others, and doodled them in my journal. But do I really deep down to my core believe them? That question came to a head recently. It was time to examine what I truly believed. The following is an excerpt from my journal in which I held an internal conversation with Jesus. Whether it was really Him or not doesn’t matter. What matters is the understanding I gained from this thought process.

“God is good.” Do I believe that?

Finally.

Lord, I don’t know. It seems you have let me down at times. Like you weren’t faithful or trustworthy to be there every time I needed you, which makes me feel you may not be there in the future when I need you.

Doubt, it’s an ugly thing. Rooted in misunderstanding, ignorance, lies.

So how do I change this? How do I believe the Bible when my heart tells me – reminds me – that you weren’t there all those years I cried out to you to heal me from the PMS, depression, and pain?

Lies.

When I was on my knees crying out to you with many tears begging for deliverance, where were you?

Right there by your side. You couldn’t perceive me because of your pain but I was there, holding you, catching your tears in my hand.

Why didn’t you heal me?

It wasn’t time yet. My heart ached right along with yours, but it wasn’t time. You weren’t ready.

Ready? Ready to be set free? Ho could I not be ready for relief?

You needed the pain to stay in touch with your emotions deep inside. Otherwise you would have buried them where they would fester.

Weren’t there already pains festering in there?

Remember –

the ant bite,

the pencil lead,

the splinter that you didn’t get out?

Yes.

What happened?

My skin grew over them. The ant bite left a bump that never went away. The pencil lead left a discoloration that never went away. And the splinter became a painful bump under my skin that I had to dig out which was also painful. So I had pain, buried pain.

This new pain, month after month, year after year, had to tear open the old pain each time or you would have let it get buried, covered again. Covered with callousness. It wasn’t about the PMS hormones. It was the other pains you weren’t acknowledging, the pain that you couldn’t see that contributed to the pain you could see. If I had healed you, all that pain would have been as deep at that lead in your hand. So deep it would have required more than just digging it out like that splinter near the surface. You weren’t ready to face that original pain. So I had to keep that channel to it open. It hurt me to see you hurt.

Is anything here true or am I just inventing a reason for the pain? Lazarus dying was to show who Jesus was. Jesus cried with Mary and Martha but He still let Lazarus die. Was it painful for Lazarus – the dying process? It was for his sisters. Is that what happened? Lazarus endured pain and died. His sisters endured pain and cried. I endured pain, my family therefore endured pain. But they didn’t cry. They internalized it, got angry and resentful, tuned me out, blamed me – as if it were my fault. That would be like the sisters blaming their brother for dying. Or blaming a person for getting cancer. It wasn’t my fault. My behavior was, but my turmoil wasn’t. I was caught in a storm I didn’t know how to handle and because of that I hurt the ones I loved. I’m sorry for that. I’ve apologized to my family. I can do no more than that. I can’t live those years over again. I regret it but I can’t change it.

Rabbit trail. Back to feeling abandoned. Believing God treated me like everyone else did. That’s what this is about. My belief about God was based on what my family was like. It was not based on truth. If he had healed me of PMS, the lie would still be there. I would not be the person I am now. But my family was hurt. It wasn’t fair to them.

Hurt people hurt people. It’s a fallen world.

So what do I do now? How do I trust someone who does things I don’t understand? My prayers may or may not be answered based on your agenda. How did the first Christians believe in your goodness while they were fed to lions? So the question remains. Is God good? The Bible says He is. The times I’ve had experiences with him – when I experienced his presence – when I’ve touched him – I knew he was good. My spirit knows he is good. It’s my flesh that’s rebelling, disagreeing – because I didn’t get my way. Is that it in a nutshell? I didn’t get my way? I didn’t respect your sovereignty? “I love Jacob, Esau I hated.” “I will have mercy on whoever I want.” That doesn’t sound “good”. Maybe it’s my definition of good that’s at fault.

What is your definition of good? When the Bible says God is good, what does that mean to you? Leave me a comment or send a message. I want to know your thoughts.

Stay tuned for my conclusion, after I’ve had more thought and prayer time.

Scriptures

Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”

Psalm 56:8 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

Romans 9:13-15 As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6a time to search and a time to count as lost, a time to keep and a time to discard,

7a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

John 11:33-36 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you put him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they answered. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

Isaiah 49:14-16 But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, my LORD has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands, your walls are continually before me.

A Prayer for SIL, Day 112

On June 24, 2026June 24, 2026 By LindaIn prayersLeave a comment

Lord, I don’t get SIL. She says she wants things to get better, yet won’t take even the baby steps to get there. There has to be something blocking her, holding her back, keeping her blind to the truth. Jesus, please break through all that.

Then shall your light break forth, like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8

Father, the surrounding verses talk about true fasting. I pray that You lead SIL to do that so this verse becomes a description of her. As SIL begins to serve others as You direct in the other verses, may Your light break forth like the dawn, and Your healing spring up speedily in her body, mind, and spirit. May her righteousness (though not hers but Christ’s) go before her, and Your glory be her rear guard. Let her know that You have her back as she walks forward into new areas. Protect her from enemy attacks and keep her from turning around.

In Your Faithful Name,

Amen

“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. “If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly, then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 58:6-14

A Prayer for SIL, Day 2

On March 2, 2026March 2, 2026 By LindaIn prayersLeave a comment

Jesus, be with SIL as she sleeps. Give her a sense of Your presence. Counsel her. Show her what she needs to win the battle she is in. Clarify her vision and open her ears. Protect her from the enemy. Free her from her past. Show her her need for help, her need for other people, her need to look at herself, and her need of Your strength. Pour your grace over and through her. Heal her heart and her mind. Grow her faith so that she can mature in You. Make her to be the woman You call her to be.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. Psalm 16:7

May she hear you as You speak to her in the night. Fill her heart with knowledge of who You are, what she needs to do, and what she needs to let go of. When she awakes, I pray she feels Your presence and will use the strength that comes from You to do the things You placed in her heart.

In Your Most Precious Name,

Amen.

Just Like… The Kitten in the Woods

On March 17, 2018March 17, 2018 By LindaIn short stories14 Comments

“Let’s try this trail!” My son pointed to a narrow trail through a little piece of woods that bordered the street we were bicycling on.

“It looks hard,” I answered. “Maybe we should get off our bikes.” Inside, I was picturing riding down the steep slope, hitting that hump at the bottom, and flying off into the trees.

“Nah, we can handle it,” my husband said as he took off, my son right behind him.

My daughter and I watched the boys disappear over the hump, then turned to look at each other.

“You go next,” I told my daughter. I still wasn’t sure this was a smart thing for a middle aged lady to do.

After watching her navigate the path as smoothly as the boys, I cautiously started off. Gaining speed, I almost screamed when I hit the hump but managed to stay on the bike even as I made the turn that lay right behind it. When I came to a stop, the others cheered. We walked our bikes a few more steps around some branches when my daughter stopped us.

“Do you hear that?” she asked.

We listened quietly a few minutes before we heard it too.

Just like I heard you when you called to Me.

“It’s coming from over there.” My husband pointed across the little stream that ran by the trail.

It took a few more minutes before we spotted the tiny gray form. It was on the other side of the stream, meowing pitifully. It would look at us, then try to cross the cold water. After several unsuccessful tries, it gave up and paced up and down the edge of the water, looking at us as it continued to cry. She couldn’t get to us, so we decided to find a way to get to her.

Just like I did when I went to the cross for you.

It wasn’t until we got back home with the tiny kitten that we discovered just how bad a shape she was in.

cassi - Copy She was very young, probably less than a month, wet, cold, covered with fleas. One eye was closed, covered with a brown crusty film, and her other eye wasn’t that much better off. There was a smelly discharge coming from her ears, and she had a kind of wheezing cough.

Just like you were when I found you.

Even so, we fell in love with her immediately. We saw past the disease and filth to the vulnerable and sweet kitten that she was.

Just like I see past all your sins and failures to the lovely treasure you are.

Even though we couldn’t imagine loving her any more than we already did, we knew we couldn’t leave her in that condition.

Just like I couldn’t leave you in your condition.

“She’s going to the vet first thing tomorrow,” my husband said. “She looks pretty sick.”

“She must be hungry. What can we feed her?” I asked. We had some dog food in the house but no cat food.

“We can ask next door,” my daughter said. “They have a cat.”

“Good idea!”

Our neighbor was generous but the kitten couldn’t eat any of the dry cat food.

“Maybe she’s too young. What else can we try? She has to eat something before tomorrow.” I said.

“What about tuna fish?” my son asked.

“Sure, we could try,” my husband replied. He went inside, and returned a moment later with a small dish of tuna.

As soon as the kitten smelled it, she attacked it like she hadn’t eaten in days. Mostly likely, she hadn’t.

Just like I feed you what you can handle.

Over the next week, her health improved dramatically as we applied the medicine the vet had given us. She didn’t like it and fought us at times, but we knew it was necessary if she was going to return to full health.

Just like how you are healing as I work in you, even if you resist at times.

After a month, you couldn’t tell that she had ever been sick. Cassi was healthy in every way, and had became my daughter’s best friend!

Just like you, My friend!

cassi - Copy (2)