Waiting On God

It seems like she was always waiting on God. Waiting for promises to be kept. Waiting for healing and restoration. Waiting for direction.

As many times over the years as she’d had to wait, she should have been good at it by now. And as many times over the years the waiting had been rewarded, she should have been at peace with it by now.

But still she struggled when faced with another wait. Like the one today.

She was thinking about it as she drove into her driveway. Wishing she didn’t have to wait, and feeling frustrated that she did.

Then she saw her dogs in the front window. They were sitting up on the sofa, looking out the window and waiting on her return. They were not frustrated. They were not angry. They were not depressed. They were just sitting and waiting, confident that she would return.

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That’s how I going to wait, she thought. I will be like a dog in the window, watching expectantly no matter how long it takes!

Not Now

When she planned to leave town to visit some family members for a few days, she thought she had thought of everything she needed to bring.

clothes and other personal items

sewing business orders that needed to be finished

medicine

her smallest dog who doesn’t do so well without her

dog food, dog stroller, dog medicine, dog food

lap top

journal and calendar

sketch pad, color pencils

phone charger (which she had forgotten on her last trip)

and a few other things

She got to where she was going and settled in. Everything seemed great – until she sat down to write her new blog.

Opening Word on her laptop, she ignored the ‘enter key’ pop up like she always did (it did say it wasn’t necessary to register) and opened a new page. Only it wouldn’t open. She tried opening a previous page and planned to write the new blog at the bottom it. It opened, but it was locked and she wasn’t able to add anything. She tried opening a saved blog from her flash drive. Again it opened, but in a locked condition.

She hit the ‘help’ button to find out how to unlock a locked page.Trial?  So she was using a trial version of Word all this time? And now the trial period was over?

Not now! She wasn’t at home to find that CD case with the key number. It would be days before she would be going home.

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Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

Besides, this was an old 2007 version of Word, and it probably wouldn’t work even if she found the key.

Fine, she thought. I’ll just write the blog directly on the web page. Which worked fine until she tried to upload a photo of her sketch to accompany her story. In order to edit her photo before uploading it to the web page, she needed photo manager, which was connected to Word, which she could no longer access.

“NOT NOW!” she wanted to scream. Not while I’m days away from going home! I can’t do a blog without Word!

Frustrated, she did the only thing she could do – go to bed and deal with the problem the next day.

And as she slept, God sang over her, bringing her peace.

The next morning, she got up to do her blog. No Word? No problem. She could find a way around it.

And she did.

Amazing the difference a little sleep and a little singing can do!

I Don’t Think I Will Do This Again

On her way out of town, she stopped for a breakfast sandwich at a popular fast food restaurant. There weren’t many cars ahead of her which was good because she was kind of in a hurry. Not a big hurry, but enough so that she couldn’t afford any long delays.

She gave her order and drove up. Two cars in front of her, three cars behind her. As she looked at the car right behind her, a thought flashed through her head. “You could pay for their order. It would be a surprise and a blessing for them.”

She had heard of people doing this but she had never done it before, nor had she ever been on the receiving end. I should do it, she thought.

But she soon had second thoughts as she wondered what the process would be. Would the cashier know what she wanted to do? Would she or he know how to do it? What would the people in the car behind her think? Would everyone think she was a fool? It seemed like such a dumb idea.

The line moved up and she began getting nervous. Her turn to pay would be next and she still hadn’t decided what to do. Fear began to rise in her as she wondered if she would even be able to vocalize what she wanted to do. All her life people seemed to have trouble understanding her and many times it was because she had trouble finding the right words to use. She never could figure out why something that came so easy for other people came so hard for her. Maybe she should just forget it.

Yet the thought had come to her. And that thought had never come to her before. What if it was God? She couldn’t just dismiss it. She had to obey it just in case.

The car ahead of her pulled ahead and she pulled up to the cashier’s window.

“$5.28,” the cashier said.

As she handed her debit card to the cashier, she blurted out, “I want to pay for the order of the car behind me, too.”

The cashier looked at the computer and said, “It’ll be $14.27. Still want to do it?”

Nodding, she thought how a year ago she would have choked on the amount. But the healing God had been doing in her throughout the last year, including her emotional attachment to her money, was evident as the amount today didn’t even cause her to raise her eyebrow.  What did raise her eyebrow was the cashier’s request to someone out of sight for a key. Then she walked a few feet away from the register and waited. After what felt like ten minutes but was probably closer to thirty seconds, the cashier came back to the window and explained that she needed a manager to enter a key in order to use the same card twice. A man walked over, presumably the manager, punched something into the machine, then walked away.

She looked behind her. This was delaying everyone. Now there were more than five cars IMG_20180522_215334342_HDRback there. If she had known this would cause a delay for the other people in line, she would never have done it. Feeling very self-conscience, she took her card as the cashier finally handed it to her and drove forward. Picking up her meal, she took one more glance behind her. By now the people in that car would know their meal had been paid for.  What were they thinking?

It doesn’t really matter, she told herself. I did what I thought God wanted me to do. That’s all that I need to be concerned about. But I don’t think I’m going to do this again.

That night, when she returned home, she told her husband of her experience as she opened the mail. He laughed and said he’d done it a few times, and even had been the recipient a time or two. Looking inside the envelope, she was surprised to see a check made out in her name from a medical office. The note said it was reimbursement for a payment she had made months before that insurance had later also paid. She couldn’t remember even making that payment. What surprised her even more was the amount on the check – $142, which was ten times what she had paid that morning for the other car’s order. She had heard of the tenfold law – ‘give and it will be given back to you tenfold’ – but also knew it was not found in the Bible. There was a thirtyfold, sixtyfold, even a hundredfold, but not tenfold. She puzzled over the amount until it dawned on her. God was making sure she connected the check to the meal she had paid for that morning. He knew the struggle she had gone through and yet had chosen to obey in spite of her doubts. This check was His way of saying, “Well, done!” Amazing!

Multiplying Money

Looking at the budget once again, she shook her head. They weren’t going to make it. Why did they think they could afford a house that big anyway? They should have limited themselves to the cheaper houses like she had wanted. But her husband didn’t agree with her. And neither did God, apparently, as He had led them to a house way over her budget.

Now as they were waiting to close on the house, she kept studying their finances, trying to figure out how they could possibly add the mortgage payment to their already tight budget. It would help once they sold the trailer they were living in, but for now, they would have to manage both mortgage payments. True, the trailer payment wasn’t very high since they had locked into a great rate a decade before when they had bought the trailer. But still. Numbers don’t lie. And when she compared their income to their bills and living expenses, it just wasn’t enough. She feared, deep down in her heart, that within a few months, they would lose their new house because they wouldn’t be able to make the payments.

She went to bed that night still worried, not having found any answers.

As she slept, she dreamed.

She was in a grocery store doing her weekly shopping. She pushed her cart down one IMG_20180521_212134311row after another, picking up the basic foods her family would need for the next week. Vegetables, ground beef, chicken, soup, cereal, milk, bread, peanut butter, juice, and several other items found their way into her cart. After completing her list, she headed to the front of the store to check out but suddenly found herself walking down the snack foods aisle. Picking up a bag of chips, she placed it into her cart, along with some peanuts and a bag of popcorn.

She woke up knowing God was trying to tell her something through this dream. She quickly wrote it down so it wouldn’t fade away like most dreams. Then she puzzled over it as she got ready for work. “I was shopping. I had gotten everything I needed. And I was buying junk food. Stuff I didn’t need…”

And then she knew what God was telling her through this dream. He was telling her not to worry about the finances. They were not going to go broke trying to make the mortgage. In fact, not only would they have enough money to buy everything then needed, they would even have enough to buy extras. Stuff they didn’t need but wanted.

She didn’t know how that would be possible, but she placed her faith in His message. And as the months went by, and their mortgage payments were made and necessities bought, there was always just enough money left over to pay for extras like soccer fees, kids meals, and family outings.

She didn’t know how He did it because their income didn’t increase. All she could think of was, just like He had multiplied the bread and fish to feed the multitude of hungry people, maybe, just maybe, He had multiplied their money. Numbers may not lie, she thought, but my amazing God is God over everything, even numbers on a piece of paper.

I’m Not Hurt, Not Really, Part 1

The sidewalk was crowded as Bella made her way down the street. As she walked, she watched the people. Most of the people were not paying attention to anyone else as they hurried to their destinations, not even slowing down as they bumped into fellow travelers. A few people were looking around, lost in the sea of bodies. Even fewer were the people who were actually smiling and trying to make contact with anyone who looked at them.

Bella felt alone in that crowd of people. Everyone, or at least most of them, seemed to know what they were doing and where they were going. Bella knew neither. Full of sadness that she didn’t understand, she walked through the throng trying to avoid being bumped and jostled.

Bam! Without warning, she was knocked flat to the ground.

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“Hey, are you OK?” Bella looked up to see a lady rushing towards her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She said, trying to brush the lady off. She didn’t need anyone’s help. But as she tried to stand, pain burst through her right hip. She looked down and saw that her entire right side was blood red.

“You ARE hurt,” the lady exclaimed, leaning over her. “Stay down. I’m going to call for an ambulance.” The lady touched her cell phone and groaned, “My battery’s dead. I’ll go find a phone. Be right back” and ran off towards a nearby store.

Bella didn’t wait for her to come back. She didn’t want her help. She was sure she was OK. Maybe a bit bruised but nothing to make a fuss over. Not near as bad as the pain inside her. She managed to get on her feet and began limping in the other direction to avoid the lady seeing her. Up ahead was a church. Perfect. she could hide in there. She really didn’t want to deal with that lady’s insistence that she needed help.

As she limped towards the church, she noticed her limp was getting less pronounced. See, she thought with justification, I’m fine.

Opening the front door to the church, she was surprised at how big it was. Much bigger IMG_20180504_145124393on the inside than it looked on the outside. She was in a large foyer. Several tables were scattered around, most with pieces of paper on them. There were signs   directing church goers to the bathrooms and exits. And in the center stood an indoor fountain. As she limped towards the fountain, she noticed several doors along the back wall. Thinking they might provide a better place to hide, she tried them. The first door went into the kitchen. She peered inside. Empty. She could hide here, but no, it was too close to the door and if that lady had seen her enter the church, it would be the first place she’d look. Bella needed to go deeper into the church.

Opening another door, Bella saw a long hallway with many more doors. Even though she wasn’t limping as much as she did at first, her hip still hurt and she didn’t feel up to trying a bunch more doors that may or may not provide a suitable hiding place. So she closed that door and opened the third door. It looked like a living room. The preacher’s private quarters? She didn’t see anyone so she decided to sneak in there to hide. If she was quiet enough, no one would know she was there. And maybe she would be lucky enough to find a back door leading to a different street where that nosy lady wouldn’t think to look.

As she made her way slowly across the living room she noticed there was indeed a doorway in the back. It looked like it led into a hallway. She shifted her course slightly and headed towards it. Just before she got there, she heard a voice.

“Well, hello there!”

She froze in her tracks. Should she make a run for it? But she was already across the room from the door, and there was no telling where the hall would lead.

To be continued.

A Conversation With Myself (or Can We Get Some Feedback?)

Me: We have a problem.

Myself: What kind of problem? Are we out of keyboard strokes?

Me: What? Never mind. We’re going to need to change our blog posts. Do you think our readers are aware that our stories are based on real life events from the journals we kept in our earlier life?

Myself: Maybe. But I bet few would know that genre is called creative nonfiction. I had never heard of that before we began writing in it! I wonder how many other genres are out there that we’ve never heard of.

Me: Focus, man! We’re not talking about genres. We talking about our blogs! We need some information.

Myself: You mean, like what our readers like to read?

Me: Yes. If you haven’t noticed, we’re pretty much done with the journals from the 1970’s.  We need to move on to the 80’s.

Myself: So?

Me: So there’s a problem with that. Our life changed more than a few times during the 80’s. And so our journal entries changed also.

Myself: How? The handwriting?

Me: No, you fool. They went from event based to thinking based. More about what we thought about things than actual events.

Myself: So? I still don’t see the problem.

Me: Really? How can we write about events when there aren’t many to choose from?

Myself: Oh, I get it. So what do we do?

Me: There’s several directions we can go, but I just can’t decide.

Myself: Well, maybe if we figured out why we’re writing in the first place, it might help us figure out which direction to go.

Me: OK. At first we wrote to practice our writing skills. But that changed over time after we began getting feedback. So we need new goals.

Myself: I have one! How about to brighten our reader’s day with a little entertainment?

Me: That’s good. We definitely want to do that. But that seems so trivial. We need to think deeper. Like maybe to inspire our readers to keep on keeping on with their own walks with God.

Myself: Ooo, I like it! But I have one even deeper than that! To glorify God by acknowledging, and in a way thanking, Him for all the ways He has been faithful to us!

Me: Perfect!  So we have three new goals. Now how do we reach them?

Myself: Get readers to read them of course!

Me: Duh! And how do we do that when we don’t know what they like?

Myself: Now who’s being dumb. Ask them!

Me: Their time is precious with so many daily demands on their lives. And there’s so many great blogs they could be reading. I always feel honored when they choose to spend some of that time reading what we write.  I don’t want to ask even more of their time. I want them to be glad each time they visit us.

Myself: Well, it won’t hurt to ask them. Maybe a few of them would be kind enough to answer.

Me: Wow! If they would, I think I would jump with joy!

Myself: That I would love to see!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you jump, except for when you see a roach. lol

Me: Very funny. Let’s write a letter to our readers with our questions.

Myself: Good idea. Here’ s what I think it should say:

“Dear Readers,

We love you! Thank you so much for spending some of your valuable time with us! Could we please ask you a few questions? It would help us out tremendously as we contemplate the direction we want our blog to take.”

Me: Tremendously? Contemplate?

Myself: Shhh… big words might make them think we’re smarter than we are.

Me: sigh

“Here are some questions, but any comments or suggestions would also be greatly appreciated!

Which of our stories had the greatest impact on you?

What kinds of stories would you like to see more of? Humorous, thought provoking, emotional, chapters (where one long story is divided into several blogs), etc.?

Are there any type stories you don’t like?

Would you be interested in other kinds of writing such as our commentary as we studied different scriptures? Or pictures we drew that told a story all on their own (with maybe just a caption when necessary)?

Do you prefer daily short stories or fewer longer stories (like 2-3 per week)?

What else can we do to make our blogs more inspiring, entertaining, and/or worthwhile of your time?

Very gratefully yours,

Me and Myself”

Me: Sounds good. Let’s post it!

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I hope this blog brought you a smile or two! The dialogue was meant to be humorous but the questions are serious. I really would like feedback. When I was still teaching, I used to ask parents as well as my students for feedback from time to time in order to evaluate my performance and make changes when necessary in order to become the most effective teacher I could be. I would like to use that same strategy to help me become the most effective, inspiring, impactful blogger I can be. I would truly be honored for any time you spend providing this feedback to me! And I truly do love you!

Linda

Under Pressure

Continuing the story begun in You Want to Be a What?, continued in Wrestling with God (continued from You Want to be a What?) and in Caught in the Middle, a Continuation

She listened in amazement, then frustration.

So, he’s under pressure about this priesthood thing? Really?

It had been several months since he informed her that he thought he was being called to be a priest.

She had spent those months rotating between hopeful trust in God, depression, and anger. It was affecting her whole life, and he was surprised to be feeling pressure?

“What kind of pressure?” she asked him.

“I don’t want to be a priest.”

“So don’t be one.”

“But what about the call I feel?”

“Then be one.”

And around and around they went. It was causing a strain on their relationship. She didn’t know how far to let him into her heart or how to look at him. Romantically? Platonically? She wished Jesus would hurry up and settle this, or help them to get past it and just enjoy their friendship.

Eventually she started sensing that he was pulling away from her, like he didn’t want to IMG_20180420_185546747spend time with her anymore. He didn’t explain himself, or even acknowledge it, so she went once again to the Lord about it.

“Oh, Lord,” she called. “I have a question.”

“Go on.”

“Why is he acting like he doesn’t want me around anymore?”

“He’s afraid of his feelings for you. He needs time to adjust. Give him time. Don’t become impatient with him. Keep loving him and he’ll be back.”

“Does this have anything to do with the seminary?”

“Yes. He’s afraid of leaving. He’s afraid that he might become too deeply involved with you to want to leave.”

That makes sense she thought. But she didn’t like it. What about her?  What if she became too deeply involved and didn’t want him to leave? God had said he wasn’t going to be a priest. So maybe she should just do what He said – be patient and wait it out. Or maybe she had been hearing wrong all along and he really was going to become a priest. Maybe he was hearing from God and she was only hearing from herself.

She sighed. He had made one short trip to the seminary already, and another longer one was scheduled for the next summer. How in the world was she going to navigate these next six months?

to be continued…

You Want to Be a What?

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She looked at him with disbelief. Did he just say what she thought he had said?

“But what about us?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”

She wasn’t happy. More than that, she was hurt. After months of getting to know each other, they were inseparable. She spent most weekends with his family to be close to him. And, when he could, he traveled the hour distance to her house to surprise her. She had even begun thinking this might lead to marriage one day. And now this!

“It’s not like I’m leaving tomorrow,” he continued. “We can still spend time together.”

“Doing what? Are we allowed to even hold hands anymore?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated.

She tried to sort through all the feelings flowing through her. Hurt was way up there on the list, along with a feeling of betrayal. She had finally begun to open up to someone, and now God was taking him away from her.

“How do you know He’s really calling you to do this?” she asked him.

“I prayed about it with a friend. He saw me pulling at a white collar around my neck. I think that means God wants me to go to seminary, but not immediately. He wants me to relax first.”

“What does that even mean – relax first?”

“It means to not worry about it right now.”

“That may be fine with you, but what about me? How do I date a future priest? Do we hold hands? Kiss? That just seems wrong.”

“I don’t know. Let’s just take this one day at a time.”

They parted, neither of them happy, and both wrapped in their own thoughts.

All the way home she thought about what he had said. A priest? Him? Now? Was this some kind of game God was playing with their hearts? If it had been another girl that was threatening their relationship, she could fight. But fight God? How does anyone fight God?

“Lord,” she finally prayed, “I don’t know why You’re doing this. But I know you love us and want what’s best for us. So although I don’t understand, and really don’t like it, I will trust You.”

Trust is one thing, she thought. But the pain is another. And this pain isn’t going anywhere.

The following days were hard as she tried to wrap her head around what God may be doing and what her place in it was. It seemed mean for Him to bring them together, only to separate them. She struggled to maintain her trust in God through the waves of pain, betrayal, sadness, loss, confusion, and anger that flooded her.

A few nights later, as she cried her way through her prayers yet again, she sought a word from the Lord, something to comfort her or to give her hope. But she heard nothing.

“Fine, Lord,” she finally said. ” The most important thing is that You are pleased with me in all this so if this is what You want, then so be it.”

He smiled at her, understanding in His eyes.

“That doesn’t help,” she told Him. “I was really hoping that You’d say it was just a test, that I passed and I could have him back.”

He just continued smiling at her and she knew He knew what He was going to do and He wasn’t going to change His mind. And He wasn’t going to tell her either.

Well then, maybe she wasn’t ready to hear those plans. Maybe she didn’t want to hear those plans. Maybe she should just ignore this whole thing, pretend it didn’t happen and just keep on dating this might-be-a-priest guy. After all, he did say God had told him to relax. And God wasn’t telling her anything.

“OK, Lord,” she said. “I know You’re going to be amazing in all this, but if You won’t tell me anything, and he doesn’t feel we need to change anything at this point, then I’m going to keep dating him until You take him or say otherwise.”

And so she did. Or tried to.

to be continued

I’m an Ear

She thought about what she had just heard. That some people have a gift for listening to others.

Was listening a gift? Isn’t that something anyone could do? That everyone should do?

Evidently not. Some people seem to be gifted the opposite way – they could talk about anything at anytime with anybody. In fact, she had noticed, they were so busy talking, they barely heard what anyone else said. If they even gave them time to get a word in. And they seemed intent on making their thoughts known regardless if anyone was actually listening or not.

She was not like that.

For some reason people thought she had this gift of listening.

“OK, Lord,” she prayed. “If listening is a gift, and if You’ve given it to me, I ask that You send me people who need someone to listen to them. I’m willing to be Your ear.”

So He did.

For the next three days, people came to her house and ended up talking at length to her. She listened to their problems, concerns, doubts, and fears. And they each left saying, “I don’t know why I told you all this. I didn’t mean to.”

But she did. God was answering her prayer.

“Am I really going to be an ear for Jesus?” she wondered excitedly. She thought of all the people who needed someone to just listen to them. She thought of the comfort and strength listening might bring them. Yes, this truly is a gift the body of Christ needs.  “Wow,” she thought. “I’m an ear for Jesus! What an amazing ministry this will be!”

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Field of Flowers

She once again closed her eyes to spend some time with her Lord, and found herself in a field of flowers. She seemed to be as a small child, sometimes holding His hand, sometimes dancing around Him, as they walked.

“Look at all these beautiful flowers!” she said to Him.

“They are beautiful, aren’t they?” he responded as He looked at her.

There were so many different kinds and colors, she couldn’t help but laugh in amazement. She began picking some here, and some there, gathering as great a variety as she could manage to hold. When her hands were full, she offered them to Jesus. He smiled as He took them.

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In a twinkling of an eye, He took her to the throne room where He handed the flowers to the Father, then, just as quickly, they were back in the field.

“Look at the flowers,” He told her. “Look how they are all growing beautifully for the glory of the Father.”

She looked at them, then grew sad.

“What’s wrong?” He asked her.

“These are growing beautifully, just like You said. But the ones I picked are not growing anymore. I ruined them.”

“No, child,” He said gently. “You didn’t ruin anything. Even the flowers you picked were given to the Father. It’s all for His glory – whether growing or picked.”

He continued. “Be like the flowers.  Be the beautiful you He made you to be. Enjoy life, praising and loving Him, relaxing in His care, and sharing your beauty with everyone.’

“That’s easy to do, when I’m in a place as wonderful as this field. But what if someone picks me? What if they take me away from the peace and joy of this field?”  She was thinking about all the demands the people in her life place on her.

“Don’t resist them. Give yourself joyfully. And just like those flowers, you, too, will be given to the Father for His glory.”

She thought she understood. At least here, in this place, it made sense. She wasn’t so sure it would feel the same when she put it into practice.

“Will You help me?” she asked Him. “When people make their demands and take me from where I want to be, will You help me remember the flowers?”

“Of course.”

He took her hand, and they continued their walk through the field of flowers.