Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
God, Why Don’t You Answer?
“There’s a disturbance down south,” they said.
No problem. There’re always disturbances in the tropics, she thought as she went about her normal, everyday activities.
“The disturbance is now a depression,” they said.
That’s fine, she thought. Depressions are nothing. And besides, it’ll probably go towards Texas like so many others. Not likely to come here to Panama City.
“The depression is now a storm named Michael, and will probably hit Northwest Florida as a possible category 1 hurricane. Not too likely, but it might happen,” they said.
Okaaaay, not really a threat, but something to watch, she thought as she took her daily walk around her neighborhood.
“The storm is intensifying. It will hit Northwest Florida as a category 1 hurricane in a few days. Start preparing now,” they said.
Hmmm, she thought. I guess I should pick up loose objects outside to keep them from blowing away. But still no big deal. We’ll probably only get a little bit of wind and some rain, like all those other hurricanes that have come this way.
“Michael is now category 1 with signs of strengthening. Everyone in Northwest Florida should be preparing now. Watch for updates and start making plans in case you need to evacuate,” they said.
Evacuate? No, not for a cat 1 storm. But what if it gets to cat 2 before it gets here? “Lord, should we leave?” she prayed but got no answer.
“Michael is now category 2. Its pressure is dropping signifying that it might possibly strengthen to a category 3 before making landfall somewhere between Pensacola and Apalachicola. Storm surge will be 4-6 feet. Find out your zone now and listen for mandatory evacuation orders,” they said.
This is getting serious, she thought. Maybe we should leave. “Lord,” she prayed again, “what should we do?” She thought she heard, “leave”, but she wasn’t sure so she asked God to tell her husband the same thing. Her husband, watching the latest update, said, “We’re going to stay. Our house is built to hurricane code. We’ll be fine.” OK, she thought. It wasn’t God.
“Michael is now category 3. There’s nothing out there to slow its growth. Storm surge is now forecasted to be 6-8 feet. Zones A, B, and C are under mandatory evacuation notice. Do not delay. This storm is dangerous. Get out now,” they said.
She quickly looked up her zone. Zone D, but so close to C that part of her backyard was actually in Zone C. Should they leave? Could their house flood? “No, it didn’t flood during the last cat 3 storm, it won’t flood now We’re fine,” her husband said. “God, should we leave?” she prayed again. Again she heard, “Leave” but this time a sense of panic accompanied it. That’s not God, she thought. God doesn’t panic. Besides, if that was really God, why wasn’t her husband getting the same message?
“Michael is approaching category 4. If you can evacuate, you should leave now. The storm surge can kill you. The winds will make catastrophic damage and might kill you,” they said.
“Are you leaving?” her daughter texted from two states away.
“No, we’re staying,” she texted back.
“ARE YOU CRAZY???”
“We’ll be fine. We’ll stay in the under-the-stairs closet when it gets bad. Our house is well built.”
“I’ll be a nervous wreck all day,” her daughter texted back. “Be safe!”
“Are you leaving?” her siblings wanted to know.
“No, we’re staying. We’re not in a flood zone and besides, who would take us in with our 3 small not-housebroken dogs, a larger senior dog who can’t get around well, a grown son with stitches in his leg and his large dog who eats smaller dogs.”
“We’ll take you in,” her brother immediately texted back.
She went to talk to her husband. “Should we leave?” They prayed together, but neither got an answer. Why isn’t God answering us? She couldn’t understand. “God why don’t You answer when we really need to hear from you?”
“We’ll stay,” her husband said. “We’ll be OK.”
She felt at peace about that decision. Peace is of God, she thought, so maybe that’s His answer. She was more relieved than apprehensive because she really didn’t want to leave. Also, once they left town, it might be days if not weeks before the roads were cleared and opened for them to be able to return.
She went to bed and fell asleep quickly but was jarred awake around 1 AM with the shrill alert sound on her phone. She got up and checked the forecast.
“It’s a strong category 4 and will probably be a 4 when it makes landfall. But there is a small chance it can increase to a 5 by landfall,” they said.
Ok, she thought. We might weather a 3 or even a weak 4. But a strong 4/5?? But we decided God said it was OK to stay. Did we get that wrong? Or was that just us because we want to stay?
“I’m leaving,” her son told them as he packed his electronics and dog. “Let me know what you decide.”
Her son leaving? He never panics! And he was so sure just a few hours earlier that staying home would be safer than being on the road with all those other evacuees. Should we go, she and her husband wondered. They prayed again together. Still no answer.
“God, I wish I could just hear your answer clearly. Only You know what will happen to our house.”
In spite of the peace they felt about staying, they decided to leave. They scurried around packing the most important things, not knowing if anything would be left when they returned. As she looked around her house, overwhelmed with the decision of what to take and what would be OK to lose, she ended up taking very little.
Tears streaming down her face, not wanting to leave, she drove north on the now empty road. Beside her were her smallest dog, some blankets and pillows, and her computer. Behind her was her husband with the other two small dogs and the larger senior dog, along with tubs and boxes of important papers, clothing, dog supplies, medicines, and other essential items. Before long the senior dog had a seizure, due to stress, they thought, and she was tempted to turn around. But she didn’t and several hours later they arrived at her brother’s house.
Several hours after that, Hurricane Michael slammed into her home town, with winds just two miles an hour under a Category 5 hurricane.
The following day, she read every Facebook post, watched every hurricane update, trying to get some news on the condition of her neighborhood, especially her home. Was it still standing? So many houses were not. The stress of not knowing was worse than finding out her house was gone, she thought. “God, is our house still standing?” she asked. Again, no answer. Why isn’t He talking to me, she wondered.
The day after that, someone posted a photo of the flood in her neighborhood. As she studied the photo, she stopped. What was that in the background? She looked closer. It was her house! And it was still standing! Relief flooded her, replacing the stress that had just minutes before filled her. This photo was a gift from God, reminding her that God was always listening even when she couldn’t hear any answers.
Three days after the hurricane hit, she was able to return home. Her house was not only standing, but there was no severe damage and no flooding. If she had stayed, she’d have been fine. So maybe that peace was God’s answer all along, only we didn’t recognize it, she thought. Maybe by not answering, He was allowing us to make the choice, knowing we’d be safe no matter which choice we made.
When Life Gets in the Way
Have you missed me?
I’ve missed you!
I had finally found a way to carve out some writing time every few days… and life with my new granddaughter changed again. From thrush and 2 month shots to growth spurts and dietary changes, it’s been a bit tough around here. That means more stress and less sleep. Which definitely interferes with my ability to be creative.
Hopefully things are settling down again now and I should be able to get back to some writing. Bella is about to get some answers in my ongoing Bella series. And I have a few analogies bouncing around in my head with pictures I have been taking – of storms and power lines and swimming pools. I’m even thinking about taking one day a week to post portions of the full length novel I had started writing before AJ was born.
With limited time right now, I’ll have to create a priority list though. I would love to know – what would you like me to put at the top of this priority list?
Continuing the story begun in You Want to Be a What?, continued in Wrestling with God (continued from You Want to be a What?) and in Caught in the Middle, a Continuation
She listened in amazement, then frustration.
So, he’s under pressure about this priesthood thing? Really?
It had been several months since he informed her that he thought he was being called to be a priest.
She had spent those months rotating between hopeful trust in God, depression, and anger. It was affecting her whole life, and he was surprised to be feeling pressure?
“What kind of pressure?” she asked him.
“I don’t want to be a priest.”
“So don’t be one.”
“But what about the call I feel?”
“Then be one.”
And around and around they went. It was causing a strain on their relationship. She didn’t know how far to let him into her heart or how to look at him. Romantically? Platonically? She wished Jesus would hurry up and settle this, or help them to get past it and just enjoy their friendship.
Eventually she started sensing that he was pulling away from her, like he didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. He didn’t explain himself, or even acknowledge it, so she went once again to the Lord about it.
“Oh, Lord,” she called. “I have a question.”
“Why is he acting like he doesn’t want me around anymore?”
“He’s afraid of his feelings for you. He needs time to adjust. Give him time. Don’t become impatient with him. Keep loving him and he’ll be back.”
“Does this have anything to do with the seminary?”
“Yes. He’s afraid of leaving. He’s afraid that he might become too deeply involved with you to want to leave.”
That makes sense she thought. But she didn’t like it. What about her? What if she became too deeply involved and didn’t want him to leave? God had said he wasn’t going to be a priest. So maybe she should just do what He said – be patient and wait it out. Or maybe she had been hearing wrong all along and he really was going to become a priest. Maybe he was hearing from God and she was only hearing from herself.
She sighed. He had made one short trip to the seminary already, and another longer one was scheduled for the next summer. How in the world was she going to navigate these next six months?
to be continued…