Bella, part 2 – Distractions

Bella headed to her computer. Maybe I just need to learn a little more before deciding whether to go back to that church or not, she thought. She opened up the search bar. Instead of typing in ‘church that is bigger on the inside’, she typed in ‘Pastor Toby’.

“Whoa!” she said out loud. She would never have guessed there was so much information on that man.

She began scrolling down, stopping every now and then to check out a blog, website, book reference, or sermon that caught her attention. Just like for the church, opinions varied widely.

After a few hours, she gave up trying to find the truth on the internet. She would have to go to the church and find out for herself. She got up, stretched, then headed for her bedroom to change her clothes. Maybe if she dressed well enough, she would have a better chance of being accepted by Pastor Toby.

Maybe you should eat before you go.

As she passed the kitchen on her way to the front door, she was struck by how hungry she was.  What time was it? She checked the wall clock. Almost noon.  Ah… that’s why. It was lunchtime! She decided to eat something before leaving.

She fixed herself a sandwich and a glass of sweet tea and sat down in front of her computer to eat.  I’ll do another search while I eat, she thought. This time on the pastor’s son.

Why don’t you play Spider Solitaire?

She paused.  A search could take a long time. It wouldn’t take long to eat her sandwich. She should do something that could be finished in a few minutes. She clicked on the Spider Solitaire icon.

Sometime later, her empty plate set to the side and forgotten, she stared at the game in frustration. This should have been a simple game to win. Why was it taking so long? Maybe she should give up. Maybe she finally ran into a game that couldn’t be won.

That will end your winning streak. You’re up to 89 games. Do you want to have to start over?

No! She was determined to win it before shutting down her computer. This game was NOT going to break her winning streak!

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When she finally got to see the fireworks shooting off as she won the game, she sat back in satisfaction. It had been hard, but so worth it! 90 games! Picking up her plate and glass, she headed back to the kitchen. What was it she going to do before she had lunch? Oh, yeah, go to the church. She glanced at the stove clock. There’s still plenty of time. As she headed to the front door again, she wondered what Pastor Toby was doing. Was he outside in his garden? That’s where she’d be if she owned that church.

He might be getting ready for his next sermon and won’t be happy to be interrupted.

Maybe he was busy. Maybe she should call first. But she didn’t have the number. Should she go and take the chance that he wasn’t busy? Of course he’d be busy. He was a pastor. Aren’t they always busy? There was probably someone already there needing his counsel.

She hesitated at the door, not sure what to do.

Why don’t you take a nap and see how you feel when you wake up?

She yawned as she debated whether to go or not. This is too tiring, she thought. I need a nap. She turned and headed to her bedroom. “I’ll decide when I wake up.”

 

related links

Bella, part 1 – Heart VS Brain

(Bella’s first trip to the church can be found in I’m Not Hurt, Not Really, part 1 and I’m Not Hurt, Not Really, part 2)

 

Under Pressure

Continuing the story begun in You Want to Be a What?, continued in Wrestling with God (continued from You Want to be a What?) and in Caught in the Middle, a Continuation

She listened in amazement, then frustration.

So, he’s under pressure about this priesthood thing? Really?

It had been several months since he informed her that he thought he was being called to be a priest.

She had spent those months rotating between hopeful trust in God, depression, and anger. It was affecting her whole life, and he was surprised to be feeling pressure?

“What kind of pressure?” she asked him.

“I don’t want to be a priest.”

“So don’t be one.”

“But what about the call I feel?”

“Then be one.”

And around and around they went. It was causing a strain on their relationship. She didn’t know how far to let him into her heart or how to look at him. Romantically? Platonically? She wished Jesus would hurry up and settle this, or help them to get past it and just enjoy their friendship.

Eventually she started sensing that he was pulling away from her, like he didn’t want to IMG_20180420_185546747spend time with her anymore. He didn’t explain himself, or even acknowledge it, so she went once again to the Lord about it.

“Oh, Lord,” she called. “I have a question.”

“Go on.”

“Why is he acting like he doesn’t want me around anymore?”

“He’s afraid of his feelings for you. He needs time to adjust. Give him time. Don’t become impatient with him. Keep loving him and he’ll be back.”

“Does this have anything to do with the seminary?”

“Yes. He’s afraid of leaving. He’s afraid that he might become too deeply involved with you to want to leave.”

That makes sense she thought. But she didn’t like it. What about her?  What if she became too deeply involved and didn’t want him to leave? God had said he wasn’t going to be a priest. So maybe she should just do what He said – be patient and wait it out. Or maybe she had been hearing wrong all along and he really was going to become a priest. Maybe he was hearing from God and she was only hearing from herself.

She sighed. He had made one short trip to the seminary already, and another longer one was scheduled for the next summer. How in the world was she going to navigate these next six months?

to be continued…